Introduction to the Author:
Dr Roshini Shetty, MDS, CFO, Certified Laser dentist, Facial Cosmetologist, researcher with awarded patented medical innovations, author of various published Fiction and Non-fiction books, editor and books reviewer.
THE BAD GUY
‘Marriage’, a simple word but a complicated life sentence if not executed properly! I always thought Marriage was a necessity but now I realize that Marriage is a Luxury.
This story is regarding the things I learnt and understood during the groom searching saga.
My considered ideal match for me is a guy who is simple, sensitive, and decent with no bad habits and a strict, ‘no previous love affairs’.
I always heard from people that such guys don’t exist in reality. Don’t know whether they spoke the truth or I got cursed by the guys I rejected saying they were second hands (because they had previous love affairs), I never came across my elusive ideal guy!
One day a relative of mine brought a marriage proposal for me, the guy was said to be from a respectable family. All our relatives who knew the guy and his family gave positive opinion about them.
I went to meet him at a restaurant. He was an anaesthetist, was tall and fair complexioned. He looked like a modest and simple guy.
In midst of our talk, I casually asked him whether he was ever in love with any girl in his life, his ‘no’ was such a relief for me. He was handsome, had no bad habits, had no love affairs, I was convinced that I had finally found my, ‘Mr. Perfect’.
After a brief glimpse of heaven, my ‘Mr. Perfect’ showed me hell. He said he had rejected many marriage proposals though he was offered up to two crores as dowry, as he had liked my family background, he had agreed to consider this proposal for mere one crore. I think he expected me to be grateful to him for this concession!
He said, “I wasn’t very keen on marrying a dentist, I don’t consider dentists as doctors, I always wanted a post-graduate medico as my life partner. I’m ready to marry you only because I’m a very obedient son.”
I thought, “Even I don’t consider anaesthetists as doctors, for me, they look like General Surgeons assistants. The parents of this ‘obedient son’ who are ready to sell him for one crore haven’t taught him that, ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’. ”
Our conversation only lasted for about fifteen minutes. My understanding and opinion of perfect turned out to be a torture to me. I escaped with a false excuse that I was experiencing a severe headache, it was partially true for if I had stayed with him for some more time I would have indeed developed a severe headache.
Marrying him seemed like adopting a retarded child after paying one crore to his parents. Meeting him made me change my ideologies, I no longer fancy guys who never had a girl-friend in their life, may be like him they are not capable enough of having or maintaining one!
Few months later, my aunt brought in another marriage proposal. The guy was from Moodbidri, his father was a reputed Ayurvedic doctor. The guy (Let’s call him Mr. X!) was a General surgeon.
My parents enquired about this guy and his family, unfortunately, none of our relatives spoke any good about them.
It looked like Mr. X had everything one craves for but a closer look and you realize that he has nothing (Strictly according to my relatives!). These relatives of mine were instrumental in closing the topic of Mr. X completely for us.
A few days later, in a casual discussion with a friend, surprisingly topic of Mr. X cropped up. My friend knew Mr. X during his college days as both of them studied in the same college. Our talk on Mr. X went on for a long time with me learning some interesting facts about him.
My friend said, “He is already in a relationship. Don’t expect him to have an arranged marriage; he will marry a girl of his choice and not a girl his dad would choose for him. He has his say and stand in things.”
Nearly a year later, I and mom had been to Moodbidri to visit a friend of mine and to attend my cousin’s engagement party the next day.
After having chatted to our hearts content at my friend’s place, we went out for a walk. Having walked for a while, we wanted to drink something to quench our thirst before heading back.
My friend took us to the nearest building which was a hospital and said we would get something to drink at the basement of that hospital.
Since I was too tired to stand, I was just about to lean on a black Duster car which was parked in front of the hospital, suddenly a security guard came running towards me asking me not to lean on that car as the car belonged to ‘Managing director’ (MD) of the hospital.
I and mom exchanged glances when we came to know that Mr. X was the MD of that hospital!
We walked in and first drank juice. The hospital was getting renovated; the man who served us juice said that Mr. X who had recently returned from Delhi was getting all the renovation done because he was determined to make the hospital one among the best.
He continued, “Mr. X comes regularly, he maintains strict timings, either he is busy taking classes for students or he is busy in the operation theatre.”
Mr. X came across to us as a very passionate doctor!
“Look there, that person in grey shirt is our MD,” he pointed.
In a jiffy, like an emergency landing in a dream world, we were inside his cabin; the friendly, well-mannered guy stood up looking at my mom. He didn’t look like a typical follower of doctor’s dress code, clad in blue jeans. He was tall, with sharp features, twinkling eyes behind spectacles and a fit body structure.
Moral of the story: What society considers ‘good (Obedient son!)’ is a guy who is ready to do anything for the sake of money and status, he wants to get married to a profession and not a girl. In short, this ‘good guy’ only considers marriage a compromise and he expects the same from you. What society considers ‘bad’ is a guy who has his stand in life, is passionate and has his say in things; he is MD of a hospital but is humble enough to stand up when he sees elders, he has his choice and is not the obedient son to sell himself for one crore rupees.
I remembered a lady from an NGO who was advising a child from the slums not to steal again; it seems the child had stolen money from someone. Some days later, I heard, the same child from the slums had stolen food from a street vendor. That day I realised that, this child who did not even have basic amenities like food and clothes was never in a position to understand ethics like not stealing; the advice of that lady from the NGO must have sounded like high philosophy for this child. It is always easier to teach ethics to kids from affluent families rather than kids from poor socioeconomic background. For these poor kids, survival is only possible without ethics.
The plight of the so called ‘good guys’ of our society is similar to these poor kids. They really cannot understand the ethics involved in marriage, because like those poor kids, they cannot afford to live on ethics.
In their aim to get a rich father-in-law and their parents supporting them in their endeavour to get a rich father-in-law, they tend to forget that marriage is a very sacred relationship which can only survive successfully if love exists in it and unlike business, a successful marriage can never stand on pillar of compromise and practical thinking.
The ‘good guy’ may live a decent life with his practical thinking and his habit of compromising and his ardent belief that, “If your father is not rich, it is not your fault but if your father-in-law is not rich, then you are the greatest existing fool!”
Even though the ‘good guy’ may live a decent life, the ‘bad guy’ lives the best life because he follows his heart, there is no need for him to compromise in his life at all, he can afford to live as he wants, he doesn’t want the mediocre decent life, he aims and gets the best for himself. This is because he doesn’t rely on his father-in-law completely to make a living, instead believes in himself!
During our school days when we didn’t live on practical thinking, we were young, we didn’t know reality, we didn’t care a damn about wealth, looks, caste or profession; crush was on guys who were capable of bringing and retaining that smile on our faces. We were considered immature then. As we grew up, we are known to have become mature. Maturity means calculated moves where we give utmost importance to the 3 B’s (Beauty, Brains, and Bank-balance). With this maturity, we try to buy the best, pay One crore, get a handsome doctor with good earning (the 3 B’s)! It is like buying an expensive showpiece and keeping it in your showcase, you can show it off to your friends and relatives and feel proud about it but you can’t spend your whole life with it.
With immaturity, you find a guy who can bring a smile on your face, can make you laugh and can keep you happy; with him by your side, life seems very short and you want to freeze time. With maturity, you find a guy with whom it is not possible to spend even fifteen minutes at a stretch, life seems boring with no end, with this guy by your side, it is tough to kill time.
A deep thought makes me rather choose immaturity over maturity!
Like the ‘bad guy’, I want to break the shackles of practical thinking and just want to listen to that hard-working constantly pumping heart of mine because I feel it knows the best!